Your son is already forming his identity... Make sure you're part of the conversation.

The Four Pillars is a six-week father-and-son journey designed to help you have meaningful conversations about the man he's becoming through four areas that shape a healthy identity: Thoughts, Habits, Purpose and Values.

You know there are conversations you should be having with your son...

As our boys get older, there are things we know we need to talk about. Who they're becoming, what they believe, how they handle pressure, who they are when nobody's watching and ultimately, the kind of men they want to be.

The problem isn't that we don't care about those things. Most dads I know care about them deeply. It's that knowing you should have these conversations and then knowing how to actually start them are two very different things.

You ask a question and get a one-word answer. You wait for the right moment, and it doesn't seem to come. Or life just keeps moving, and the conversation you genuinely meant to have gets pushed back another week.

That's really why I created The Four Pillars. I wanted something that would give me a way into these conversations with my own boys, without turning them into a lecture, an interrogation or another piece of homework.

It gives you somewhere to start.

Four areas that shape the man he's becoming.

The Four Pillars is built around four areas that I believe have an enormous influence on the kind of man our sons become. Not because these are the only things that matter, but because so much of life seems to come back to them.

So what does six weeks actually look like?

The Four Pillars isn't something you hand to your son and hope that he reads. It's designed for the two of you to work through together over six weeks or sessions, using stories, activities and questions to open up conversations that can otherwise be difficult to start.

Each week builds on the one before it, beginning with identity itself and then working through the four areas that shape it.

WEEK ONE — BUILDING FROM THE INSIDE OUT
Start with identity. Your son considers who he is now, who he wants to become and the kind of foundation he wants to build his life on.

WEEK TWO — THOUGHTS
Using the story of 'The Two Wolves', explore what he's feeding his mind and how his thoughts and influences are shaping the way he sees himself and the world.

WEEK THREE — HABITS
Odysseus and the Sirens becomes the starting point for talking about temptation, discipline and why preparing for our weaker moments matters more than relying on willpower.

WEEK FOUR — PURPOSE
Through Jack London's 'To Build a Fire', explore what gives him energy, direction and something worth moving towards.

WEEK FIVE — VALUES
Daniel's story opens up a conversation about courage, conviction and what it means to stand for something when there's actually a cost involved.

WEEK SIX — THE FOUR PILLAR PLAN
Bring everything together into his own Healthy Identity Plan, turning what you've talked about into something practical he can continue building on.

Everything you need to take the journey together

When you purchase The Four Pillars, you'll get two separate resources. 

The first is the 59-page Four Pillars workbook, which is what you and your son will work through together over the six weeks. 

It contains the stories, teaching, questions and activities that take you from that first conversation about identity through Thoughts, Habits, Purpose and Values, before bringing everything together in his own Healthy Identity Plan.

You'll also get the 48-page Father's Guide, which I wrote specifically for you.

I didn't want to create something that you simply handed to your son and told him to get on with. The whole point is that you're part of this with him, so the Father's Guide helps you understand what's happening each week, what you're trying to draw out of the conversation, what questions might help and what to do when things don't quite go the way you imagined.

The guide isn't there to turn you into a counsellor or give you a script to follow. It's there so you can go into each week with some idea of where you're heading, while still leaving enough room for the conversations that matter to happen naturally.

What if my son isn't interested?

If you've got a teenage son, there's a reasonable chance that announcing you've bought a six-week identity journey for the two of you isn't going to be met with the enthusiasm you're hoping for!

That's okay. The goal isn't to sit him down for a weekly lesson and make sure he completes every page. In fact, approaching it that way will probably make the whole thing harder than it needs to be.

The Father's Guide talks quite a bit about how to create space for these conversations without forcing them. Sometimes that means doing something side-by-side rather than sitting across a table.

You might work through a section exactly as it's written, or a ten-minute conversation
might turn into something much bigger and the workbook gets put aside.
That's not getting off track; that's the point!

What matters is that you're creating opportunities to talk about things that are worth talking about,
and giving your son a dad who's willing to be part of the process.

Start the journey with your son...

I've created The Four Pillars because these are conversations I want to have with my own boys, and I know I'm not the only dad who feels like the years are moving faster than I'd like them to.

You don't need to have all the answers before you start. You don't need a son who loves sitting down for deep conversations, and you definitely don't need to work through every page perfectly. You just need to make some time, show up, and be willing to have conversations that might otherwise never quite happen.

You'll get the complete 59-page Four Pillars workbook, along with the 48-page Father's Guide to help you lead your son through it.

I'm launching The Four Pillars at a founding price of $47 USD. It's a lower price for the first group of dads who are willing to take the journey with their sons and help me get this into the world.

THE FOUR PILLARS OF HEALTHY IDENTITY

- Six-week father & son journey
- The Four Pillars workbook: 59 pages
- The Father's Guide: 48 pages
- Digital download: use it wherever you are

You'll receive The Four Pillars immediately after purchase, with the Father's Guide sent directly to your email.

You don't have to wait for the perfect moment!

I think most of us have conversations we fully intend to have with our boys one day. The problem is that “one day” is pretty easy to keep moving.

I've done it myself. You think you'll bring something up when there's more time, when you're driving somewhere together, when he's in a better mood, when you're less tired. Then another week goes by.

Meanwhile, he's still growing up. He's still forming opinions, making decisions, building habits and working out what he believes about himself and the world around him. None of that waits until we're ready to talk about it.

That's part of why I made The Four Pillars. I wanted to stop waiting for those conversations to happen naturally and actually make some room for them.

I don't think six weeks is going to determine the man my son becomes. But I do think six weeks spent intentionally talking with him about his Thoughts, Habits, Purpose and Values is worth doing.

And I'd rather start that conversation now than keep meaning to have it later.

The Four Pillars workbook + Father's Guide · Immediate digital access